I thought I'd ruin your enjoyment of these Mark Twain quotations with some analysis as well. You're welcome.
Quote: "Classic--a book which people praise and don't read." (Puddin'head Wilson).
Comment: For some reason students find this humorous. I wonder if Twain considers Huck Finn a classic. I happen to have read many classics. I'll prove it.
Quote: "There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can." (Puddinhead' Wilson).
Comment: Perhaps I should have listened to this advice instead of the "real estate never drops in value" advice I got back in 2006.
Quote: "But in this country we have one great privilege which they don't have in other countries. When a thing gets to be absolutely unbearable the people can rise up and throw it off. That's the finest asset we've got -- the ballot box."
Comment: That's a change I can believe in.
Quote: "Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to commit more."
Comment: Twain provides an example of paradox. The more open you are about your faults the more you can commit and still be forgiven.